I have what could colloquially be referred to as “jugs.” I stopped having breasts, tits, or hooters somewhere around the eighth grade. It does not matter how much I weigh…. they are just large and in charge. The only thing that varied my humongous assets was breastfeeding– and that served only to develop them into their own twin planets, creating their own gravitational pull that attracted crumbs and the occasional beverage stain. Now, sadly, they are mopey downward-facing dogs. But they still take up a lot of horizontal space, ifyouknowwhatImean.

Anywho.

I love the look of a button-down shirt, but if you are a Large Chested American like myself, you know that this is nearly impossible to pull off from a fashion standpoint. No matter the fit or size of a button down shirt, the Big Boob Betty’s of the world will forever fight The Gap.

You know the gap, right? That annoying spot in between the second and third button of your oxford shirt which plainly diplays the grandma-esque bra that the heavily endowed woman must wear? 

Right.

Today’s hack is a boob hack.

Sew that mutha shut. 

Here’s how:

  1. Unbutton the shirt. Iron and starch each side of the opening so that it is perfectly flat. 
  2. Button the shirt back up, starting at the second button, and stopping at the second to last button.
  3. Now, I like to show a leeeetle chest, so I start sewing at the third button of an Oxford, which is usually the button right before the gap. However, keep the button ABOVE this buttoned as you sew– it will make it easier and give you stability as you start. If you have a zipper foot, this is a good time to use it. Sew the opening shut with a coordinating thread. 
  4. I like to NOT sew all the way to the bottom, but to stop at the second to last button. I do this because I think it’s harder to spot the “fix”, and because sometimes under sweaters I like to leave the button undone on a particularly long shirt. 
  5. Maybe I should have mentioned this before, but this is only a good fix if the shirt in question can be pulled over your head, buttoned. Otherwise you have just effectively locked yourself out of your shirt. 

That’s it! Happy Gap-Stopping! (Sorry, world, no more free peep show every time I stop slouching!)