Last week, my local cell phone store was giving away free smartphones. I have been waiting forever to upgrade from my craptastic Blackberry, checking in every few months to see when I am eligible for an upgrade. Since my upgrade is due at the end of this month, I took myself down to the store to see what I could score. It was crowded– I had to park in the lot behind the building, which was poorly tended and devoid of people.

I got the baby out of the van, took two steps on their sidewalk, and then I was horizontal mid-air, and the baby was flying. I felt my left hip hit first, and then a bolt of pain in my head and a sound like two coconuts being hit by a hammer. I grabbed for the baby– he was crying, and scared. I didn’t see where he hit, because I was busy playing the role of a coconut being hit with a hammer at the time. But he seemed fine.I looked him over, and he didn’t want any part of it– he just clung to me like a baby monkey.

My head hurt. I was crying. I was afraid to carry Squeak because I was afraid he was hurt. I started yelling for help.

My head really hurt.

I reached my hand back, and when I pulled it back to look, it was covered in bright red blood. I looked down. There was blood on the ground. Blood running down my clothes, all over my coat, all over Squeak.

That’s about the time I started screaming for help.

No help came.

I wasn’t sure how badly cut my head was– I knew that head lacerations bleed ridiculously, and that it probably wasn’t all that terrible, but worst case scenario I was worried that I could pass out and leave Squeak there alone, clinging to my unconscious bleeding body. What if he wandered out into the parking lot? Into the street?

So, still screaming for help, I picked up Squeak and started working my way to the entrance of the store.

I’d love to hear one of those customers tell the story of what they saw: a mother, bleeding and crying for help, walks five feet into the store and plops down on the floor with her baby, also covered in blood.

The store employees called 911, a fellow customer called a friend to get Funk from school. We rode in the ambulance. Squeak didn’t have a mark on him. A few staples and a CT later, I was discharged with some Lortab and a very bad headache.

And you bet your ass I am going to have a free phone before all this is over…

EDITED TO ADD: I forgot to add that as this is going down, Hubs is NOWHERE. Specifically, he is at a funeral. So I am just sending texts out into the ether:

“Emergency. Call right now.”

“I am in ambulance. Please Call.”

“David is ok, I have a gaping head wound. Please call.”

Needless to say, once he turned his phone on he had a Code Brown immediately.