We started noticing Funk’s teeth about a year ago. She’s been an avid thumb sucker since the womb, and no amount of cajoling seemed to sway her dedication. Our dentist explained that even though it was wrecking her teeth, chances were extremely slim that we’d have any luck breaking her of the habit– research shows that most hearty thumbsuckers can’t be persuaded to work on the habit until they are at least four.

So we just let it be. We reminded her sometimes, of course, mainly because her response was so cute.

“Funk… what did the dentist say about sucking your thumb?”

“… ummmm… she said SUCK MY THUMB.”

Here lately, though, Funk’s teeth have been getting really crazy. Her palate is very high, her front teeth have moved forward, and she has a visible dip in her bottom teeth.

Classic Thumbsucker Teeth

We noticed that she was doing a lot of idle thumbsucking– not for comfort, but while she was watching cartoons, or listening to books. We were also concerned that with all of the flu going around, she would be more susceptible since she constantly had her hands in her mouth.

Research be damned, we decided to start working on the thumb thing a little more earnestly.

At first, we just told her that she could only suck her thumb in bed. That just led to her spending a lot of time with every toy she owned in her bed.

Then we told her that she could only have her thumb when she was sleeping. But there’s a lot of gray area between “sleeping” and “pretending like I am trying to sleep” so that didn’t help with the thumbsucking at all.

I decided that we should try cold turkey.

Enter… THE STICKER CHART (Da Da Duuuuunnnn.)

Now, I have no problem bribing rewarding a child who accomplishes a difficult task, such as changing a lifelong habit. The problem was, we had tried sticker charts with Funk before, and she just wasn’t all that motivated. Basically, she’s stubborn– if she’s set on something, no amount of bribery, threats, or begging is going to change her mind. I figured we’d try anyway.

I explained the sticker chard concept again, and asked Funk what she thought her reward for giving up her thumb should be.

That child did not even blink an eye.

“IwannahorsethathashairthatchangescolorwhenyougetitwetIsawitonTV!”

She’s apparently spent some time thinking about this.

Now, I had no clue what the hell she was talking about, but her willingness to even consider the chart had me excited, so I agreed to her reward. How bad could it be, I thought? And besides, what were the chances that she would be able to give up her thumb cold turkey for the agreed upon time frame– 20 whole days?

We made a cute little sticker chart, heavily utilizing Funk’s love of cutting and pasting. We hung it on the fridge.

Let me tell you, stubborn does not even begin to describe my daughter. She has not put even one millimeter of either thumb in her mouth for seven days, from the time that chart went on the refrigerator.

Last night I decided that I should probably do a little research on this “horse that has hair that changes color” thing. And, ugh. I am nauseated.

May I introduce you to the Barbie Shower and Show Horse. Now featuring forty million tiny parts for one’s baby brother to choke on, and a fuckuvalotta pink.

I guess I should be happy that there’s finally something she wants bad enough to quit jacking up her teeth. And I guess I lucked out that I agreed to a $30 toy and not something more ridiculous. After all, $3o now sure beats $3,000 on braces later. But still… It’s so… pink. Think there’s any chance I could slip her a Breyer instead?