Did anyone catch ER last night? Oh. Mah. Got. TEARS! I have been watching ER since the first season, through ridiculous plot lines, excellent acting, terrible casting choices, and random cheesy explosions. The only thing currently in my life that has been in my life that long are a few HS friends and my family. I have loyalty to this show (with the exception of last year– I fell off of most shows after the strike.) So there was no way I wasn’t going to watch its final season.
And last night?
Hooey, I tell ya. I haven’t cried that hard during an episode since the season I was pregnant with Noise. (Dr. Carter’s baby died that season, in utero. Along with about 5 other dead babies that season. Rough times, man.) In last night’s episode, we learned why Dr. Banfield is such a raging bitch to everyone that crosses her path. And of course the reason is? DEAD BABY. Specifically, her 5 year old son died in the ER some years ago, and Dr Greene (Anthony Edwards, I loved that character) was the doctor who treated him. It turned out the son had undiagnosed leukemia, had had a stroke, and mom (being a Dr.) just thought it was a febrile seizure, which her child had had before. She totally played down what was going on with her son, and while he likely would have died anyway (from his advanced leukemia,) she has been walking around with the ghost of “what if?” ever since.
Anywho. I went to bed sad and weepy, and paranoid about Funk.
What if?
What if during the two years we’ve thrown dose after dose after dose of Benadryl and antibiotics at my daughter, she’s had a debilitating, possibly life threatening illness the entire time? What if the thing that she needs to save her should have been done two years ago? What if I had been more aggressive in getting a diagnosis, and getting her well?
She hasn’t had a blood test for this cough in 12 months. She hasn’t had an x-ray in over 18 months, and that was just her head– not her chest. We’ve spent copious amounts of time and effort looking up her nose and down her throat, but what if the problem is lodged in her brain stem? Or in her lungs? Or in her trachea?
On Monday, my daughter is scheduled to have a CT scan. For this, she will be anesthetized, because she is incapable of holding still for the ten minutes the scan will take. I called today to do her pre-certification, and discovered that the orders for her CT are only for her sinus. And so I called her ENT. And I asked that her CT include her sinus, neck, and chest. Because if the problem with Funk is really in her chest, and not her sinus, we will have to knock her out again to do the chest CT in the future. Why not be aggressive in our scan, since we are a) already exposing her to the radiation, and b) already anesthetizing her?
They are going to think about it.
Getting a larger scan means more time, and might mean we have to cancel Monday’s scan. And that bums me out, because every night at 2am when I wake up to re-dose Funk, I think about that scan. That we might discover the diagnosis, and it might be something we can actually fix. That we won’t have to live like this anymore, pillows over our heads at night. That my daughter can finally sleep in peace. Trust me, I really want this scan to happen on Monday.
But if we have to wait to have a more thorough scan, I think that we will. I think it’s better to do it right, the first time, than to have regrets later about what we might have found. Even if it means living through ten or 14 more nights of The Cough.
4 comments
Comments feed for this article
November 14, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Chan
I almost called you when it was over last night. You know, since we are the only two people left watching ER. I was crying to hard though. That one hit too close to home for me as well. I’m sure you can imagine why. Not just thinking about Abby and Chelsea but also thinking about the place I was in my life when Dr. Greene was on the show.
That was the only time since Jamy has been gone that I was glad he wasn’t there. He would have cracked up at me blubbering and wiping snot.
I hope you get the answer you want with Miss Funk. Keep us posted.
November 14, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Lindsay
I may vote with your hubby on this one. Stop watching ER. In fact, as a general rule, I think it’s important to not watch shows about dead babies while you’re pregnant. Didn’t read that anywhere in “What to Expect…” did ya?
November 15, 2008 at 5:34 am
Heather
OMG. ER has ALWAYS had at LEAST one episode with a dead baby, a dying baby or a killed baby when I was pregnant. Can you say Carter’s baby while I was pregnant? Gah!!
I cannot believe that I didn’t cry during that episode, but I am NOT PREGNANT.
I think you are on the right track with your daughter. You know what needs to be done, stick to your guns momma. You know what’s best.
November 15, 2008 at 8:10 am
Rachael
Oh my God, there are other people out there who are watching ER and can’t stop even though it’s been 13 years and there can’t possibly be anything left for County General? YAY! It’s like an addiction, I can’t stop now. I was crying last night before the show even started – freakin’ Michael Crichton died, and he was my favorite author, so Eric LaSalle doing that little tribute had me in tears already. I was totally with you on the dead Carter baby, I sobbed so hard. Last night though, the scene with Angela Bassett talking to Morris… horrible.
Holy cow, Dawn, your post made me cry almost as much as the show! I’m sorry that you don’t have answers, that you have these kind of thoughts. We all do at times, but you have more reason behind your paranoia. I hope that they agree to expand the CAT scan and you get some answers soon!