Noise has been drawing up a storm lately. Literally. He likes to draw storms. He likes to draw people, and pirates, and all of our names. But he loves to draw pirate ships most of all.

It’s hard work, this learning to draw thing. A task best met with tongue gymnastics and a lot of patience. Sometimes, it’s hard to be patient. Especially for a boy whose first inclination is to quit. I love my boy– but he really struggles with tenacity at times. He hates to do anything he can’t do perfectly the first time.

But he keeps at it, which is quite a feat for my highly sensitive little boy. And, after hours of practice and failed attempts, when he finally gets it right, he’s quite pleased with himself.

Of course, at not-yet-four, many of his drawings are lacking a certain realism. His people are fantastic– expressive smiley faces and Jolly Roger hats– but many lack a torso. They have nubs for feet, and hooks for hands (being pirates and all.) It’s interesting to see the progression as his drawing has developed, and now more often than not you can actually glean what it is he was trying to portray. It’s heady stuff.

We’re immensely proud, of course.

Today, on the way to school, Noise was looking a little down in the mouth. He’s been even more emotional than usual the last couple of days, which we chalk up to his daddy having been out of town, and his routine being off. (Let’s hear it for ROUTINE! Woot!) Hubs asked him what was troubling him.

“Dad…..the kids don’t like my pirate ships.”

Hubs asked him what he meant.

“The kids… they say my pirate ships don’t really look like pirate ships. Trevor says I am a bad draw-er.”

Hubs asked him if he liked his pirate ships.

“Yes. I love to draw pirate ships. I’m getting really good at it.”

“Well, son, that’s really all that matters– what you think. It doesn’t matter what other people think of your pirate ships, as long as you like drawing them.”

He kept repeating that to himself all the way to school, “it doesn’t matter what they think… it doesn’t matter what they think… it doesn’t matter what they think.”

I’m not sure he believed it.

It is heart wrenching, because both Hubs and I have been that kid. We have been the kid who was out there in the world with our huge open heart, only to have it dashed by other kids who wanted to knock you down. The world is cruel at times, and the world of children even more so. I hate that Noise feels rejected by his peers. I hate that he’s doubting himself. I want to find Trevor and kick his 5 year old butt. I know of course, that Noise is someone else’s Trevor– because that’s how kids are– but I am defensive just the same. He is my baby.

On the other side of the coin, of course, is the fact that this is how life is. We judge each other constantly, and most of the time we don’t even know we’re doing it. If I were to remove Noise from this situation, he would just have to learn the same lesson, even meaner, in kindergarten. Best he learns how to maneuver himself socially now– especially since it’s going to take him a little more time and maturity to learn to deal with it. I know, because I was much like my son.

I am still much like my son.

I don’t understand why some people don’t treat me very nicely, and I just want everyone to get along, and when people start to play stupid games with their friendship it confuses me and hurts me. When people make fun of me or criticize me out of the blue, I just don’t understand. I thought we were all having a good time? And then KAPOW. The hammer is lowered and I am not smart enough, not funny enough, not good enough. Most of the time, as an adult, I am able to not think about those nagging demons. But as a kid– they were all consuming.

I hope that he deals with it better than I did. I hope that I can help him work through it all. Right now, it just gives me a stomach ache to think about.