In my former life, I was a Greek Advisor. I was not Greek in college, and so my appointment to this post was the source of much consternation among the students and alumni with which I worked. Even though I was a nationally recognized student advisor, the fact that I had never pledged in college was a constant issue (it was called pledging then, Pinky swear.) Because I love a challenge, and I wanted desperately to help my students, (and also because at the time I was a total Student Affairs geek) I soaked up everything I could learn about Greek life. Its rich traditions and histories. The research and the antecdotes. I knew more about Greek life than most die-hard Greeks. I spouted the party lines about the intrinsic benefits academically, socially, and civically.
The Greek community I was hired to advise was already dying, long before I arrived. This is not unusual at smaller schools– students just don’t seem to be as attracted to Greek Life as they were, say, in the eighties. Our community had failed to change with the times, like many Greek communities, and was struggling to say afloat due to some institutional changes, and cultural changes among the student body. We had a hard row to hoe, but we were making progress each day.
Some of the students and alumni I was hired to help were gracious. They understood what needed to change, that we had an uphill battle ahead of us, and they knew I was totally committed (sometimes at the expense of my personal life.) They appreciated what I was trying to accomplish. They believed I had their best interest at heart. Others…
Other students and alumni called me names. They called me a stupid bitch to my face. They spread rumors about me, and keyed my car. They criticized me for everything from having a baby to choosing Student Affairs as a profession at all. They accused me of killing their precious dinosaur. Overwhelmingly, the prevailing commentary was, “she will never understand. She’s not even Greek.“
And I fought that. I fought it tooth and nail. “I get it!” I yelled. I fought for these kids, this institution. When some of my students were caught, blindfolded, being hazed in a public park, I fought. When countless students were hospitalized after drinking deadly amounts of alcohol at greek parties, I fought. When one of my students very nearly died, and the sisters in her house refused to call 911 rather than risk responsibility, I fought. For people to see the good. The higher GPAs and the increased community involvement. The friendship and the educational potential. Since time has separated me from that experience, I can see that they were right. I don’t understand. But it’s not because I’m not Greek. It’s because it doesn’t make any damn sense.
It’s been a hard week for the Greeks. No doubt, that community’s conferences and newsletters will be abuzz with more talk about zero tolerance, being “values based” organizations, and insuring that the students carrying on those letters are behaving in a manner becoming. There will be sweeping statements of grandeur. There will be promises of change. And next fall, during recruitment, there will be more deaths. More 18 year old boys locked in car trunks until they consume enough alcohol so as to be seen as “worthy” by their 20 year old hazers. More 18 year old girls starving themselves in sorority activities that can only be construed as eating disorder competitions.
I need to say out loud what I’ve been thinking for five years. It makes me a pariah, you see. But it must be said.
Greek life is dying, and that’s just fine.
It was a grand tradition, and something that was very worthwhile and necessary in its day. Students needed something to connect to, needed a family away from home. Needed what a Greek community could provide. But students don’t need now what Greek Life has become. A culture of poor judgement and criticism, elitist behavior and discrimination. There are many good things that come out of this community– in fact their biggest complaint is that you never hear about the millions of dollars and man hours contributed by Greeks to countless charities and causes. However, from my experience, I am completely comfortable saying that there is nothing unique about being “Greek” per se that makes the institution necessary for those things to still be accomplished. GDI’s do all that stuff too, you know. They just don’t have a banner to hang it on. GDI’s also dare each other to drink too much. But they don’t threaten to beat you up or kick you out if you back out. They don’t have anything to kick you out of. There is no cultural collateral to force the action.
There are roughly a million articles decrying my opinion. (And that’s all it is, an opinion– though I feel it’s fairly well formed based on the research and my personal experience.) I’m not saying that there aren’t benefits for members. But you name me one benefit that couldn’t be had another way, and I will rethink my position. I can’t think of a one.
It makes me sad, because I wanted to believe it all. I told parents their babies would be okay with a smile in my heart, believing it at the time. Even though I knew that in our particular community, we had hazing, a cocaine problem, rampant eating disorders, and dangerous alcohol habits. I believed in the good. And I wanted so much to believe that the bad parts could be culled, with time and determination.
I don’t believe that any more.
Each time I tried to help this community change their dying culture, I was met with argument, anger, and apathy. It was not unlike coming upon a drowning man in a river. I waded in at my own peril, only to find that the drowning man would repeatedly punch me in the face. Whether the drowning man punched out of panic or anger was inconsequential. There was no way I was going to down to save him. This was a huge part of my decision to leave my job, in addition to the personal reasons.
If you are a happy member/alumni of this community, I am really glad that you got some benefit out of that. If you are an unhappy member/alumni, you can always, always, always walk away. And if you never even tried to be Greek, please don’t use my diatribe in your self-righteous indignation about how messed up Greek Life was when you were in college. It’s the reason more people who feel like I feel don’t speak up. And if you feel like I feel, and you have answers for how it can change, and live, and be a healthful institution, keep on fighting the good fight. I wish you well.
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May 9, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Jenny
I was independent my freshman year, and went greek as a sophomore. By the end of my junior year, I was over it, and as a senior I lived off-campus and rarely showed up at the house. For a year after graduation, I refused to have any part of greek alumni life. Then, I got married and very quickly moved across the country to a city where I not another living soul besides my husband. And I looked up the local sorority alumni group, began going to meetings and social events, and instantly had a group of women to bond with, having something in common. It was a lifesaver at a very lonely time.
Later, as we kept moving, I learned that in each new city I would first lookup my local sorority alumni group and have a group of women I could instantly bond with, no matter how different our lives, because of that common sisterhood connection.
My point is, there is lifelong value in these organizations. Regardless of the trouble that kids get into while in college, I do not believe the ratio of greeks to non-greeks involved in these types of incidences is that much higher, only that greek statistics are more easily captured and reported more. I think greek organizations, like any other club or social group on a college campus, are important for college kids to learn how to function in a group, think as a team, so on.
But yes, they need to change. But so do the kids. So do the parents. I would never send my kid to college and let them experience alcohol there for the first time. I would never send my kid off to college with a credit card, a car, and an open invitation to have fun and do whatever the hell they want. But some parents do.
So again, I’ve rambled and I will make my point: It isn’t just the greek orgs at fault here. The change needs to come from everyone – greek national committees, universities and how they manage them, parents, and most of all the students themselves. We are all responsible.
May 9, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Jessica
I don’t know you, Jenny – but well said!
May 10, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Laurel
Never went Greek, so I don’t have an informed opinion here, but I had to say, you are a terrific writer. Thanks for a good, thought provoking read this morning.
May 12, 2008 at 3:33 am
Dawn
I was wondering what you were thinking about all this.
My international organization teaches advisory boards that if the answer to a question is “but it’s the way we’ve always done it” that it’s a red flag that something needs to be changing. (So this means that at least *one* of the groups you were working with should have known that you were trying to revamp the dinosaur)
May 12, 2008 at 3:34 pm
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May 15, 2008 at 9:34 pm
cagey
I would fight tooth and nail if my kids wanted to pledge. Actually, I would be disappointed in them if they WANTED to. And I would refuse to spend a penny of my money towards it, that’s for sure.
It is not that I am overly against the whole greek thing, but it is not something I want for my own kids.
Sidenote – on a humorous note, my Actual Greek friends in college (i.e. the ones from Cyprus and Greece) always thought the whole “greek”moniker was odd. hee hee