For the time being, I have shuttered Seams Fine, my sewing business. As much as I fully intended to keep going, it just wasn’t working. It was a heavy discussion in our house– Hubs was adamant from the get-go that me going back to work shouldn’t kill this thing I started– but in the end the call was mine. And I am totally at peace with it.
I get home at 5:30, I feed kids, we run kids here and there, we homeworkbathsnuggleread and put kids to bed. “My” time starts at 9pm… but I also have to sleep, too. It’s rough to do any of it without sleep. I hated to eat up my time with the kids with sewing for money we can live without. I had precious few moments for sewing anyway, and I didn’t want to spend that time sewing things that didn’t feed my creativity or my heart.
I started noticing this low-level of anxiety when I approached new orders. Like they were just one more thing I had to get through before I could do the things *I* wanted to do. And to be honest, a lot of my life feels that way right now. I think that’s mostly just adulthood. There’s a ton of shit I have to get done before I can do the things I want to do, or that are purely self-serving– like sewing for fun, or exercise, or going out with friends. A lot of times the sheer quantity of what needs to be done for me to get to the “me” things is so overwhelming I don’t even make the effort. It’s easy to get sucked into just existing.
So when I got a recent order (and no, the thrill of someone being willing to pay me for sewing NEVER wore off) and I found myself nearly in tears… I knew it was time. I declined. I put Seams Fine on hiatus. (Let me tell you the fact that I turned down money shocks no one more than it shocks me!)
Right now, I’m going to save those precious few minutes for the things I want to create, simply because I want to create them. Or to read. Or to exercise. I am taking that sliver of time back for myself. And I don’t have to earn that time because it is mine.